This is the last piece of my trilogy about female ejaculation. Don’t be sad! You know me, I love talking about sex so I’ll definitely touch on squirting again.
In my last article about the specific stimulation women need to get to squirt, I mentioned 5 amazing women. Some might say they’re some rare birds, but I prefer to call them my WonderWoman Team: Viki, Sara, Mel, Steph and Vero!
I love these girls for their enthusiastic, honest and empowering approach to sex and I have to thank them for sitting with me and talking about squirting for half a day. It was such a lovely way to spend the day!
You know, I’m fascinated by everything sex-related and, of course, I love chatting about everything sex related. But when the topic is kind of a ‘myth’ about female sexuality, I value chatting with real people who are actually doing it even more!
So here I am, ready to share most of the convo we had with you, because the best way to overcome a taboo is to talk about it. So let’s discuss female ejaculation. Let’s make it real and let’s share as much as we can!
Viki: 28 years old, heterosexual, has been in only a couple of serious relationships, including the one she’s in right now.
Steph: 29 years old, bisexual, has been married to a woman but now with a man.
Vero: 30 years old, heterosexual, currently in a relationship and founder of Miss On The Go (Kegel Balls with an app).
Mel: 30 years old, pansexual and demisexual, currently in a polyamorous relationship.
Sara: 35, heterosexual and currently married.
We never forget the first time. How did you figure out that you can squirt?
Mel: I discovered it years ago by self-stimulation and it happens when I have more than one orgasm in one section. Later, I found it would also happen with partners but I needed to be very comfortable with them and also very aroused, usually with foreplay and teasing.
Vero: It was a surprise! I had sex in a car and I was on top. My man told me to drink a lot of water just before sex and that I’d have squirted! I’d never squirted in the past and said ‘Oh well, we’ll see!’ And boom! He took his thumb and put pressure on my clitoris while I was riding him. He was right! I did and it felt like magic!
Viki: I found out with my current partner. I think it’s a mix of being very comfortable with him and also letting myself go wherever I need to.
Steph: I was married to a woman for 3 years in my mid 20s and I experimented The Squirt with her, for the first time! At first it was easier for me to make my wife cum like that because I’d discovered the trick on her. After practice, I was able to do it on myself anytime I wanted!
Sara: It was 3 years ago with my husband. I wasn’t really looking for that as I thought I wasn’t able to (I need quite a long and intense stimulation for a “simple” orgasm…don’t speak to me about squirt!) but I was wrong. My husband was very patient, indeed.
There is no magic formula that works each time, but what do you usually need to make yourself ejaculate?
The whole WonderWoman Team gave this tip: free your mind. Or perhaps these days it’s cooler to say: have a mindful approach. Squirting is not only physical. Women need to be in an emotional mood to let go and not focus on the action. No distractions, no fears, no being worried about what you look like. It’s more like a feeling of abandonment and complete trust.
I think we should ask to reclassify the brain as the main female sexual organ.
Steph: From my experience, even when they say “No, you can’t make me come like that” they always do. The thing is, every woman is different physically and emotionally, so it will always start with understanding and discovering each other with foreplay. Then, when it’s all warm and wet, you start with two fingers and put pressure on the back of the clitoris from the inside. You’ll feel that the texture of the tissue is a little bit like a soft sponge. Continue to put pressure with a steady pace and increase the rhythm as you will feel the tissue getting tender. When the tissue is tense you can give a little stroke and immediately remove your finger out of the vagina really quickly. You should see the result instantly with a variable amount of squirt. The more you practice, the more you will see the fountain appearing!
Vero: Your sexual partner really matters, but for me it usually works when the fingers are curved and the palm is stimulating the clitoris; with the penis, it has to be really hard and when I’m about to come. Then, take it from the vagina to the clitoris fast and hard. In terms of the position, I feel that when I’m on top, I have more control over it. When I have an orgasm, I push instead of holding it in.
When you are masturbating, how do you recreate that strong stimulation on the G Spot?
Mel: If I use a magic wand I will squirt almost instantly and repeatedly to the point that it can become painful, so I restrain the use of the wand! If I tighten into my Kegel ball while being penetrated, I hold it until it’s impossible to keep it and I repeat this few times. Then, I’ll squirt quickly. With toys it may be faster to achieve ejaculation, but for me it’s not as satisfying and powerful as with my partner.
Vero: I’m able to do it with toys, especially a glass dildo. I put pressure inside my vagina with the head and shake it all over my clit when I cum and…woah!
Sara: Before I started doing Kegel exercises, my vagina wasn’t as strong so I needed something rigid to put pressure and stimulate the G Spot with properly, like a stone dildo or something aluminum. Now, even a silicone toy with lift motion works! Of course, don’t ever leave the clit alone on the outside!
So pelvic floor control helps with getting there. Do you train it regularly?
Mel: Kegel exercises help in the sense that the more you do them the faster you can orgasm, but the squirting seems to be more something you have to allow yourself to let go of, to detach yourself from all the distractions and focus solely on the sexual energy and pleasure coursing within you.
Vero: I’ve been doing Kegel exercises for many years now and I’ve been getting way more control over my orgasm and its intensity. I’m very much pro-Kegel, you know, and I’ve created my own brand called ‘MissOnTheGo’, because I’ve seen the progress on myself and I wanted to create something better for women like me who are users, and for all women.
Viki: I don’t do Kegel. After having my son in September 2015 I had to see a pelvic floor therapist because my pelvic floor was too tight. Before I got pregnant, I had recurring bacterial vaginosis for up to two years. It was a nightmare. I was allergic to the meds so nothing worked. But then I got pregnant and the hormones took my BV away. This most definitely had an effect on me, both physically and psychologically. I was embarrassed and even today I actually don’t think I have been able to squirt with my boyfriend. I have been able to do it on my own, around maybe 5 times in the past year. I think it’s all in my head. I just need to let myself go like I used to, but I find it very hard to do that. I am slowly starting to be able to squirt again when I’m on my own by being able to overcome stress and let myself go.
Sara: Nope I don’t, even though I have nothing against it. I wasn’t really doing any exercises before I started squirting! But after a good squirt, it’s like you did a good Kegel workout anyway! The more you’re able to localise and use the pelvic muscles, the easier it’ll be to squirt!
How many times can you do it during sex?
Vero: I remember once I was so impressed—I was dating a beautiful Moroccan and we went to the XXX movie Theatre. We got a private cabin and had a great porno on in the background. He unzipped my jeans and started stimulating my G Spot. His skills were very impressive. Within 2 minutes, he made me squirt 6 times with his fingers only!! I kept my jeans on, I was still standing up and I could definitely twist my jeans after! It was amazing.
-We don’t need someone else to squirt.
-Stop thinking you can’t squirt. Stop thinking at all, actually. Just concentrate on enjoying what’s going on. Your mind is 80% of the job in this case.
-If you are with someone, your intimacy and chemistry really make the difference.
-A better control of your pelvic floor helps control your squirting or orgasm. Kegel ball exercises can help!
-There is a specific technique to take us to squirting and it’s a vigorous stimulation. If you are in a menage a mois, a dildo or a vibrator can help generate enough pressure on your G Spot.
-If you don’t get to ejaculate it’s ok. Being a squirter doesn’t make you a better lover; what matters is that you enjoy the whole experience and have fun.
I hope you enjoyed this honest convo about squirting as much as I loved the moment when, in the middle of the pub, we toasted “Happy Squirting!” and everybody got to think about female ejaculation for at least one minute!