Mindfulness is a buzz word of the moment, but many of us aren’t clear on what it actually means or stands for, we talk about ‘being present’ or ‘in the moment’ but what we need to know is how this is benefitting us and what it’s good for.
What is obvious is that modern life is busy, it doesn’t take much to look around and see that we are constantly trying to squeeze as much as possible, into as little time as possible. We are almost obsessed with efficiency – more more more, it’s a rarity not to see someone looking into their screens on their morning commute, dealing with admin or emails even before they reach the office. And the world we live in reflects this – we will choose a café based on if they have wifi or not, rarely unplug, and the London Underground is adding wifi across the tubes so that we can maximise the potential of our commute. And there is a notification for everything constantly demanding our attention.
The moment we get out of bed in the morning our brains are scanning for everything that we need to do and achieve that day; and unsurprisingly stress and anxiety levels are at an all time high.
So how does that relate to our sexual and intimate lives?
We have the best sex when we are fully tuned in and fully turned on, not when we are distracted. We need our heads and bodies to be in the game together to fully experience. It’s a simple concept – have sex and don’t think about anything else. But in order to do this we need to give ourselves permission to do so – to switch off from everything else around us, put the to-do lists to one side, put our phones on do-not-disturb and focus our attention.
Where we give our full attention, unsurprisingly we experience more fully. So to get the most from our sex lives we need to nurture them. If we enjoy sex more, whether that’s with ourselves or someone else, we are going to feel more positive about it and want to do it more. It’s simple.
Mindful sex isn’t about what we are doing, it’s about how we are doing it.
Enjoying the experience of your bodies together. Noticing the warmth, the texture, your breathing. Being aware of the sensations in your body and how you are feeling. It’s not possible to be doing these things, and also allowing your mind to wander elsewhere.
Running through the five senses is an instant checking in process, spend the thirty seconds after reading this article running through what you can taste, what can you smell, what can you hear, what can you see, and what can you feel wherever you are.
The importance is how you notice not what you notice. We understand that being mindful and in the moment offers us a way of changing our experience, bringing sensuality into focus, and this is what mindful sex is all about.